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Ep 081 Loving Others Through Their Pain with Marlisse Hardamon

Jun 12, 2020

Marlisse Hardamon

I would like to introduce myself, Lisa, a survivor. 

Yes, I was abused and suffered from the result of that abuse. Yes, I cried and I even tried to end my life, several times. I hated myself and everyone, else. I was bitter and angry. I lived in a place of darkness, it covered my soul. I drank and smoked, just to numb the pain. I lived in the world of victimization, unable to heal and forgive.

But, today I dance in the light of my life, not as a victim, but a victor.  I have learned to not only forgive my perpetrators but to forgive myself. I have learned to move past my pain, not by pretending it never happened, but by drawing strength from it, because it happened. I have been able to transform my life, using my pain as a platform to show women, how to live a transformed life, to move beyond their current situation into a place of wholeness, peace, and joy. I am not a victim, I did not let my life destroy me, it made me strong and taught me how to truly live life.

Purpose: I was placed here to allow my light to shine through adversity and trauma, so that I can be a beacon of light other who are in traumatic situations and that I can love them through their pain.

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Here is what you will hear on this podcast:

  • her mother was a victim of domestic violence at the hands of her father
  • the great escape
  • living now with friends of her mom, they went from a middle class lifestyle to an extremely low class home
  • the big force and trying to latch the lock
  • her first sexual assault and the silence she was forced to keep
  • from the frying pan into the fire
  • the “I don’t want to talk about it” response.
  • her mom turning her back because she didn’t know what else to do
  • breaking all ties with the friends that took her in
  • feel the secrecy that exists in the silence demand by the abuser
  • the need to have control
  • black people, lighter skin black people, preferential treatment and racism
  • are black people racist to other black people?
  • the story of black men and black women
  • the generational transfer from parent to child
  • what happened when she was babysitting?
  • the pivot point of getting mad
  • how Marlisse made sure the abuse did not continue to her children
  • the pass down from one generation to another and the awareness that makes it stop
  • has every sexual offender been sexually offended. feeling powerless and wanting to reclaim that power
  • the pain that shuts down memory and how someone bypasses it
  • forgiving her perpetrators and forgiving herself too. what dd she have to forgive herself for doing
  • the angels that God sent her to help her walk through her pain
  • the story of telling her mom and how she received it
  • what she would say to someone who is getting sexually or physically abused
  • the traumatization of assault, violence and abuse
  • moving from the micro situation to the macro situation; going from the abuse of a woman by a man to the abuse of a policeman to a person; to a president to anyone who opposes him, to a sports figure who stands up to the abuse of black people and gets punished for doing do
  • how do you know who you can speak to and how to trust them
  • real change comes from a different mentality of people in power
  • feeling defiled by looking at the people that we look to, to protect us, abusing us.
  • the overwhelming presence of abuse in every segment of our society
  • how do those who have been abused stand up and come together against their abuser?
  • how do we get our humanity back?
  • the importance of our voice and how important it is to share our story
  • passing legislation does not change the heart of man
  • how insidious racism is and how it crept into my life too, and how systematic racism exists in basically good people who believe it is ok to beat his wife, speaks racist beliefs, strangle a man with his knee?
  • cameras cannot catch the sexually assault of young children
  • the result of coved-19 on the abuse child
  • the importance of one man, a pastor in her life and does the lack of presence of the neighbourhood church place a part in this and how the church has changed.
  • the lack of presence of the ministers of the church
  • from the dance of life, what is the one thing she can give us to reverse our direction
  • if you want something, give it to someone else
  • make a conscious effort to be there for others
  • love not control:
  • an amazing free offer she is giving to anyone listening to this podcast
  • each one reach one

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