Over the last few months, I have gone within. There is so much noise in the world, with everyone trying so hard to be seen and heard; trying so hard to sell everyone they know on whatever it is they sell.
So much noise, so much talking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah; I feel suffocated. The noise fills the air around me, each ego trying so hard to be seen. The quiet gets robbed by people over promising and under delivering.
So I retreated.
In my retreat, I saw, the reason it bothered me so much was because there was a part of it in me. I was trying to get my message heard too. Trying to sell people on what I do and it made me feel dirty. And though I tried to “sell” with integrity, the whole process made me feel cheap, like a snake oil salesman. Everyone became a potential client and no one anymore was my friend. I hated it.
So I have walked away from the noise (the calls to sell new clients, the followup with past clients, the networking events) and I have sat quietly these last months. I have spent my time consciously disconnecting from the part of me that was seduced by the noise, by the thought that doing things I don’t believe in will bring me results I do believe in. I removed myself from the thought that because everyone does this, I should do it too. Just not true!
It took a ton of courage to walk away from this especially when I had no idea where I was going. Questions started bubbling up inside me and still do. Where will money come from? How will we take care of ourselves? How will my message get heard if I only choose to be quiet?
But what I am finding is that the quiet is intoxicating too.
When I stop listening to the noise, i could hear my soul speak to me,
“Follow what you believe. Have faith in what you know is true. Know beyond a question of doubt that the one who takes care of everyone will take care of you too.There is nothing that you need to do except trust with all your heart that you too will be taken care of.”
And my friends come and said to me,
“But surely you do not think that you can sit and do nothing and that God will take care of you. Every teaching tell us that we have to put out a ton of energy on our side and know that the grace of god will take care of the rest.”
My work now is simply to trust the voice of silence. The space between the words; the place that cannot be seen; the voice so few listen too; the quiet voice that speaks to me, that I have ignored.
And the more I sit, the more more I want to sit . There is something being shown to me that I can’t quite yet see, but I am ok with that. I feel a little bit vulnerable, but in this moment, all is well. The future is uncertain, but the present brings comfort. Be present.